Ethnic Food

Me: "Do you want a white or brown bun for your hotdog?"
Son 1: "That's racist. Pass me a diversity bun."

Birth Controller

Son 2: "I had no idea that your femi-genes would punch all the sperm to death if it was a legitimate rape."
Dad: "Either that or the egg asks 'What are ya' thinkin'?' so they all go play on the X-Box instead."

Political Action

Son 1: "Dad, first you said we could probably watch Alien, then you said it might be too disturbing.  If you keep flip-flopping like this, I’m not going to vote for you again."

Zen

Son 1: "What's the sound of one narc narcing?"
Son 2: "It's 'Hey! I'm dad!"

Fine Dining

Son 2: "Dad, get a plate."
Dad: "You mean a portable sink?"

Adventuring

Son 1: "Grandpa, can I borrow a hat for the hike?"
Grandpa: "What's it worth to you?"
Son 1: "Well, Mom's making me ask, so not much."

Ethnic Cuisine

Me: "What goes well on Greek lamb-burgers?"
Husband: "I dunno... tatziki, retsina, and a weak Euro?"

Dietary Degradation

Me: "Chocolate Pop Tarts? This is what happens when I go away?"
Son 2: "I tried to stop Dad. I actually really did."

Whoa.

Son 1: "Mom, when I was your age, we didn't have no stinkin' logic. That's how I could have been your age."

Non-Gifting

Me: "When I was away at the Winnipeg Fringe, I didn't see anything you'd particularly like. So I decided to just give you the money I would have spent so you can buy festival junk food here at home."
Son 2: "Awesome! Go to more fringes and buy us less stuff!"