Paperjerk

Me: "I don't have to fill this school form out. It's only if you want to claim aboriginal status."
Son 2: "Could I anyway?"
Son 1: "And if they ask for proof, just shed a single tear for the environment."

Black Holes

Me: "The crackers are all gone again?"
Son 2: "As teenagers, we don't have mouths and stomachs, so much as holes that lead to other dimensions."

Mirdry Racist

Me: "Are we going to watch Firefry tonight?"
Son 2: "Firefry?"
Me: "It's the Chinese knock-off version of Firefly."
Son 1: "It's almost exactly the same, but they speak in Mandarin and swear with terrible English accents."

Nommenclature

Son 2: "I like good food. I'd call myself a foodie, but it would make me sound like a douche."