Sole Man

Me: "Nice shoes."
Son 1: "That's what my friends said. I'm not sure. They seem too... fashionable."

Wickedpedia.

Dad: "When I was a kid, we didn't have the internet. We had libraries."
Son 1: "You got your porn from the library?!"

Deferred Staff Meeting

Me: "Is it time for another condom conversation?"
Son 1: "Seriously Mom, he's only 14, and I'm never going to have sex. At least not for free."

DC's Parallel Universes

Son 2: "Have you noticed that Ron Paul looks like myxlplyx?"

Casual Eating

Me: "You want me to cut that?"
Son 1: "Nope. Eating a whole half of a pizza is like eating a big slice of cheese-meat watermelon."

Senior Slacker

Grandpa: "What do you mean I'm called 'Grandpa' in the blog? Why can't I be 'The Dude'?"

Media Literacy

Me: "Guys, it's kinda a media awareness thing I need to talk to you about... you need to be aware that porn is to real sex like what action movies are to real violence."
Son 2: "You mean AWESOME?!?"
Son 1: "Since they're going to watch it anyway, there should be an internet site of pre-screened porn for teens. You know, child-tested and mom approved!"
Son 2: "Mom. Taking off your glasses and rubbing your eyes won't do anything to impair your hearing..."
Son 1: "... seriously. How could you imagine this conversation would end up anywhere good?"

At The Right Hand of God

Grandpa: "Ralph Klein and Maggie Thatcher are both dead? What a wonderful spring! Since he's in rough shape, maybe Dick Cheney's next. Unfortunately, we probably can't hold out for Stephen Harper."

Washful Thinking

Son 2: "Hey! The hotel we stayed in had a bidet, or as I call it, an Analtron 3000."

Objective Reality

Son 1: "Atlas Shrugged: A book so tedious that they had to make it into three movies."

Spelling Beef

Me: "You know, I actually had to learn to spell."
Son 2: "Yeah. I'm sure that used to be a thing."

Rejected Children's Book

Son 1: "If you give a mouse a hooker, he's going to want some coke."