Literary Diversion

Son 1: "What the hell is this? I thought Animal Farm would be a sequel the Animal House."

Ageism

Me: "Your dad is pretty spry for an old man."
Son 2: "You're old too if you're using the word 'spry'."

Mass Erect

Son 2: "There's a sex scene in Mass Effect where you can see some side boob."
Me: "Any side penis?"
Son 2: "No. Mom!"
Me: "What? I could have said 'side scrotum'."
Sons 1 & 2: "MOM!"
Dad: "Whew. Good thing you didn't."

Angstra-Curricular Activities

Son 1: "Alright. I'll go to Kung Fu. But I'll be grumpy about it until I get to class, then I'll be fine. Deal?"

Spacial Relations

Son 1: "Why does Son 2 weigh more than me when I'm taller?"
Dad: "He's broader."
Son 2: "That means I have boobs."

Political Produce

Son 1: "I hate apple juice. It's for communists. That's why apples are red."