Screen Testy

Me: "Sorry. I didn't come across any new funny YouTube videos today."
Son 2: "Mom... I'm afraid we're going to have to let you go."

Chinese take-away

Dad: "Listen to this! 'Ching Shih the Chinese pirate queen commanded over 20,000 to 40,000 pirates and went undefeated for years until 1810, when amnesty was offered to all pirates from the Chinese government. She ended her career that year, accepting an amnesty offer. She kept her loot, and opened a gambling house. She died in 1844, at the age of 69.'"

Son 2: "He he. 69."
...
Dad: "Really? That's what you're taking away from this?"

Special Defects

Son 1: "...speaking of CGI movie midgets, did you hear the latest about Tom Cruise and Scientology?..."

Marvel-us

Son 2: "Don't make fun of the movie! It's a part of my heritage!"
Me: "'Thor' is NOT a part of your heritage."
Son 2: "I wish Thor was my real dad!"
Me: "Me too."

Unsettling Strands

Son 2: "Mom, I'm growing hair on my big toes and it's freaking me out."
Son 1: "That's the disgusting miracle of puberty."

Bawdy of Knowledge

Me: "You know, I WANT to say you're mature for your age..."
Son 2: "Why not? Because penis penis penis vagina boobs?"

Royals Decree

Me: "I haven't seen the video for that song by Lorde yet. Wanna watch it?"
Son 2: "Sure!"
Son 1: "And after that you can talk about boys and call then boys and then quickly hang up on boys."

Painful Truth

Son 2: "Mom makes art, not money."