How Richard III was written?

Son 1: "If you trebuchet an infinite amount of monkeys with an infinite amount of typewriters, eventually the blood splatter will reproduce the complete works of Shakespeare."

How Catan was Settled

Dad: "Anyone got a sheep for a wood?"
Son 2: "I'VE got a SHEEP for your WOOD."
Son 1: "Anyone got a beaver for mine?"

Role Reversal

Son 1: "Isn't Will Smith the guy who plays Samuel L. Jackson?"

Season's Grievings

Me: "Did you see those photos of the Nazi Christmas dinner party with Hitler?"
Grandpa: "It wasn't Christmas, it was Festivus. Airing of Grievances, Feats of Strength. How could that not be a German holiday?"

Pithy Party

Me: "Certainty is the idiot's folly."
Son 2: "What?"
Me: "I dunno. I just made it up."
Son 2: "Ah. So, the waffle picks it's garlic last."

Dressing Down

Son 2: "Can I have a suit for Christmas."
Me: "No, but maybe for your birthday."
Son 2: "But Mom, I already have a birthday suit."

Grande Gesture

Son 1: "Don't risk giving Starbucks coffee to a street person. If someone looks homeless, there's a pretty good chance they're actually a hipster."

Season's Eatings

Me: "5 KILOS? What?... I... How could you even?..."

Son 1: "...with a spoon."

Case in Point...

Son 2: "Mom, are you enjoying the SAUSAGE?... In your MOUTH?..."
Me: "Not sure. I've just tried the tip."
Son 2: "MOM!"
Dad: "Dude. You should know better."

Excursionary Behaviour

Son 1: "... but I don't know if I want to go to that show..."
Dad: "There's probably going to be scantily clad female acrobats."
Son 1: "Yes, but if I stay home I have access to the internet, making that a non-issue."

Road Regrets

Me: "Your dad took the Prius in to be looked at."
Son 1: "Did he take it to a gynecologist?"
Me: "I wish your misogyny wasn't so funny."