Self-Sufficiency

Me: "Next week my schedule gets really crazy. You're going to be on your own for supper some nights..."
Son 1: "Just roll crack the window and leave the toilet lid up and we'll be fine."

Brit-Chick-Flick

Son 2: "What are you watching?"
Me: "Downton Abbey"
Son 2: "Has Mr. Darcy shown up yet to help Sherlock solve the crime?"
Me: "The BBC really needs to hire you."

Credit Where Credit is Dude

Me: "Yeah. A lot of Brecht's writings were actually written by the women in his life. But historically that's pretty common in both arts and science. Look at Rosalind Franklin and the discovery of the DNA double helix."
Grandpa: "What about Mrs. Einstein, how much did she really do? And Heisenberg's wife? The Uncertainty Principle definitely sounds like something a woman would come up with. Men aren't uncertain about anything."

Cold Comfort

Son 2: "ARGH! Your hands are freezing!"
Me: "I think you mispronounced 'refreshing'."

Taxing Season

Me: "I'm gross. Do you know why?"
Son 1: "Because your tax hasn't been deducted! Ha! Can't beat an accounting joke!"

Crossing Over

Me: "Thanks for re-watching The Grand Budapest Hotel with me."
Son 2: "It was good. Will M. Gustave return in The Avengers?"

Pork belly Politics

Me: "Wow. This bacon is salty."
Son 2: "I think you mispronounced 'delicious'"