Royals Decree

Me: "I haven't seen the video for that song by Lorde yet. Wanna watch it?"
Son 2: "Sure!"
Son 1: "And after that you can talk about boys and call then boys and then quickly hang up on boys."

Painful Truth

Son 2: "Mom makes art, not money."

For Halloween

Me: "What's with the 'P' drawn on your t-shirt?"
Son 2: "It's my costume. I'm Pun Man. Or, the PUNisher."
...
Me: "That's... terrible."
Son 2: "But yet you still laugh."

Period Peace

Son 2: "Do women have periods because they have too much blood?"
Me: "You KNOW why women have periods..."
Son 1: "So yes. It's also why they're attracted to vampires."

Pinot-cillin

Me: "You better check your antibiotics' fact sheet before you have some wine."
Son 2: "You should also check to see if there's a pairing list."

Opinion of Diversity

Son 2: "At school we were trying to figure out what TV character stereotype we each were. We decided John was the ethnic one."
Dad: "Isn't he white and British?"
Son 2: "Yeah."

Statistical Advantage

Dad: "I see your choir has 65 girls and 20 boys. That's a 3.5 to 1 ratio."
Son 2: "Yes! 4.5-way!"