Unsettling Strands

Son 2: "Mom, I'm growing hair on my big toes and it's freaking me out."
Son 1: "That's the disgusting miracle of puberty."

Bawdy of Knowledge

Me: "You know, I WANT to say you're mature for your age..."
Son 2: "Why not? Because penis penis penis vagina boobs?"

Royals Decree

Me: "I haven't seen the video for that song by Lorde yet. Wanna watch it?"
Son 2: "Sure!"
Son 1: "And after that you can talk about boys and call then boys and then quickly hang up on boys."

Painful Truth

Son 2: "Mom makes art, not money."

For Halloween

Me: "What's with the 'P' drawn on your t-shirt?"
Son 2: "It's my costume. I'm Pun Man. Or, the PUNisher."
...
Me: "That's... terrible."
Son 2: "But yet you still laugh."

Period Peace

Son 2: "Do women have periods because they have too much blood?"
Me: "You KNOW why women have periods..."
Son 1: "So yes. It's also why they're attracted to vampires."

Pinot-cillin

Me: "You better check your antibiotics' fact sheet before you have some wine."
Son 2: "You should also check to see if there's a pairing list."