Grande Gesture

Son 1: "Don't risk giving Starbucks coffee to a street person. If someone looks homeless, there's a pretty good chance they're actually a hipster."

Season's Eatings

Me: "5 KILOS? What?... I... How could you even?..."

Son 1: "...with a spoon."

Case in Point...

Son 2: "Mom, are you enjoying the SAUSAGE?... In your MOUTH?..."
Me: "Not sure. I've just tried the tip."
Son 2: "MOM!"
Dad: "Dude. You should know better."

Excursionary Behaviour

Son 1: "... but I don't know if I want to go to that show..."
Dad: "There's probably going to be scantily clad female acrobats."
Son 1: "Yes, but if I stay home I have access to the internet, making that a non-issue."

Road Regrets

Me: "Your dad took the Prius in to be looked at."
Son 1: "Did he take it to a gynecologist?"
Me: "I wish your misogyny wasn't so funny."

Screen Testy

Me: "Sorry. I didn't come across any new funny YouTube videos today."
Son 2: "Mom... I'm afraid we're going to have to let you go."

Chinese take-away

Dad: "Listen to this! 'Ching Shih the Chinese pirate queen commanded over 20,000 to 40,000 pirates and went undefeated for years until 1810, when amnesty was offered to all pirates from the Chinese government. She ended her career that year, accepting an amnesty offer. She kept her loot, and opened a gambling house. She died in 1844, at the age of 69.'"

Son 2: "He he. 69."
...
Dad: "Really? That's what you're taking away from this?"