Fists of Furry

Son 1: "...and that's how I got on the international kitten punching circuit."

Me: "In this family, we don't punch kittens."

Son 1: "What? You're not my real dad!!"

Son 2: "MOM!? Well then what CAN we punch?"

How Richard III was written?

Son 1: "If you trebuchet an infinite amount of monkeys with an infinite amount of typewriters, eventually the blood splatter will reproduce the complete works of Shakespeare."

How Catan was Settled

Dad: "Anyone got a sheep for a wood?"
Son 2: "I'VE got a SHEEP for your WOOD."
Son 1: "Anyone got a beaver for mine?"

Role Reversal

Son 1: "Isn't Will Smith the guy who plays Samuel L. Jackson?"

Season's Grievings

Me: "Did you see those photos of the Nazi Christmas dinner party with Hitler?"
Grandpa: "It wasn't Christmas, it was Festivus. Airing of Grievances, Feats of Strength. How could that not be a German holiday?"

Pithy Party

Me: "Certainty is the idiot's folly."
Son 2: "What?"
Me: "I dunno. I just made it up."
Son 2: "Ah. So, the waffle picks it's garlic last."

Dressing Down

Son 2: "Can I have a suit for Christmas."
Me: "No, but maybe for your birthday."
Son 2: "But Mom, I already have a birthday suit."