Inappropriate Positive Reinforcement

Son 1: "Who are we still allowed to make fun of? Germans? They DID start two world wars.."
Son 2: "If they start a third, they get a free coffee."

Lapsetop

Son 1: "My computer needs to go in for repair."
Me: "What happened?"
Son 1: "Poor planning and gravity."

Sole Man

Me: "Nice shoes."
Son 1: "That's what my friends said. I'm not sure. They seem too... fashionable."

Wickedpedia.

Dad: "When I was a kid, we didn't have the internet. We had libraries."
Son 1: "You got your porn from the library?!"

Deferred Staff Meeting

Me: "Is it time for another condom conversation?"
Son 1: "Seriously Mom, he's only 14, and I'm never going to have sex. At least not for free."

DC's Parallel Universes

Son 2: "Have you noticed that Ron Paul looks like myxlplyx?"

Casual Eating

Me: "You want me to cut that?"
Son 1: "Nope. Eating a whole half of a pizza is like eating a big slice of cheese-meat watermelon."