Tuesday, 29 May 2012

Sunday, 27 May 2012

Reality Check


Me: "Why can't you get behind my art?"
Husband: "It's not art, it's our dinner conversation."

Saturday, 26 May 2012

Homework


Son 2: "For homework, some teacher said you should give me some candy or something."
Me: "Your complete lack of commitment to your ruse almost makes me want to induge you."

Thursday, 24 May 2012

The Classics

Son 1: "Q: Is that a banana in your pocket, or are you happy to see me? A: Neither! I have an erection!"

Tuesday, 22 May 2012

Monday, 21 May 2012

Religious Feed'em

Son 2: "We'd be happy to do the laundry if you perform that arcane ritual that involves sacrificing bacon to the MacKenzie Brother gods."

Sunday, 20 May 2012

Middling School


Me: "Did they cover condom use in your Sex Ed class?"
Son 1: "Thanks mom. There's nothing I love more at the dinner table than talking about putting latex on my genitals."

Saturday, 19 May 2012

Theatre Trivia

Me: "...so in theatre, there's something called warm and cold washes for lighting. If there's anything at all wrong with your show, the lighting designer will fix it. That's where the expression 'it will all come out in the wash' comes from."

Friday, 18 May 2012

Extra Lessons



Son 2: "Yeah! Long weekend!"
Dad: "Don't worry, we'll make sure you get to Sunday school to fill the void."
Son 1: "We'll hear how evolution is Satan wearing a mustache."

Thursday, 17 May 2012

Wildlife


Son 2: "So... you're not going to post what he just said because you know that grandma is reading it, right?"
Son 1: "Now, if you make a comment about sex with cougars, she'll be forced to stop blogging entirely."

Tuesday, 15 May 2012

Marketing Madness


Me: "Don't let Coke's youth 'Live Positively' campaign make you think there's anything redeeming about their products."
Son 2: "They're only doing it because they got community service instead of jail time."

Saturday, 12 May 2012

Excuse Me.


Son 2: "Can I just eat bacon all day?"
Me: "No."
Son 2: "Is the reason because we don't have enough?"
Me: "That's the excuse. The reason is because it's disgusting."

Friday, 11 May 2012

Film Critics


Me: "All these super-hero action movies are the same."
Son 1: "That's not true. They're wearing different costumes when they punch stuff."

Thursday, 10 May 2012

80's Love


Dad: "You know your mom is every woman in the world to me."
Son 1: "Technically, that means he can't cheat on mom."
Dad: "It's called the Air Supply defense."

Wednesday, 9 May 2012

Physical Comedy


Me: "No spit-takes at the dinner table!"
Dad: "At least not with the good wine."