Saturday, 28 December 2013

How Richard III was written?

Son 1: "If you trebuchet an infinite amount of monkeys with an infinite amount of typewriters, eventually the blood splatter will reproduce the complete works of Shakespeare."

Tuesday, 24 December 2013

How Catan was Settled

Dad: "Anyone got a sheep for a wood?"
Son 2: "I'VE got a SHEEP for your WOOD."
Son 1: "Anyone got a beaver for mine?"

Saturday, 21 December 2013

Thursday, 19 December 2013

Season's Grievings

Me: "Did you see those photos of the Nazi Christmas dinner party with Hitler?"
Grandpa: "It wasn't Christmas, it was Festivus. Airing of Grievances, Feats of Strength. How could that not be a German holiday?"

Friday, 13 December 2013

Pithy Party

Me: "Certainty is the idiot's folly."
Son 2: "What?"
Me: "I dunno. I just made it up."
Son 2: "Ah. So, the waffle picks it's garlic last."

Wednesday, 11 December 2013

Dressing Down

Son 2: "Can I have a suit for Christmas."
Me: "No, but maybe for your birthday."
Son 2: "But Mom, I already have a birthday suit."

Monday, 9 December 2013

Grande Gesture

Son 1: "Don't risk giving Starbucks coffee to a street person. If someone looks homeless, there's a pretty good chance they're actually a hipster."

Saturday, 7 December 2013

Season's Eatings

Me: "5 KILOS? What?... I... How could you even?..."
Son 1: "...with a spoon."

Thursday, 5 December 2013

Case in Point...

Son 2: "Mom, are you enjoying the SAUSAGE?... In your MOUTH?..."
Me: "Not sure. I've just tried the tip."
Son 2: "MOM!"
Dad: "Dude. You should know better."

Tuesday, 3 December 2013

Excursionary Behaviour

Son 1: "... but I don't know if I want to go to that show..."
Dad: "There's probably going to be scantily clad female acrobats."
Son 1: "Yes, but if I stay home I have access to the internet, making that a non-issue."

Sunday, 1 December 2013

Road Regrets

Me: "Your dad took the Prius in to be looked at."
Son 1: "Did he take it to a gynecologist?"
Me: "I wish your misogyny wasn't so funny."