Knackered

Son 2: "What IS this?"
Me: "Songza's New Wave Hits playlist. I haven't heard these songs in so long!"
Son 2: "Maybe it's because they're bad songs."
Me: "They are GREAT songs!"
Son 2: "Are you sure? My Sharona is on the list."

Summer Dazed

Me: "God lord. Why are you wandering around the house in your underwear?"
Grandpa: "It's a bathing suit! I don't wear underwear."

We Speech Goodly

Son 2: "He's shouting really loud."
Me: "Loudly. It's an adverb."
Son 2: "It's not when I use it incorrect."

MacKenzie Family Circus Studios

Buddy Cop Film Teasers

 "She's just a modern day gal, he's Genghis Khan..."
 "He's Hitler, she's Anne Frank..."
 "He's a germaphobe, she's Typhoid Mary..."
 "She's Catherine the Great, he's Mr. Ed..."
 "He's lactose intolerant, she's Gorgonzola..."
 "He's one day from retirement, she's the Surface of the Sun..."

Natural Consequences

Me: "Don't mock me."
Son 2: "Then don't be so mockable."

Primate-ary Education

Son 2: "What do you want to take at university?"
Son 1: "Science."
Son 2: "What kind of science?"
Son 1: "Maybe learn how to arc weld a hard-drive to a monkey."
Son 2: "Is arc welding like welding but with electricity?"
Son 1: "I don't know! I'm not a scientist yet!"

Master Bait

Me: "I haven't seen grandpa yet today."
Son 1: "Don't worry. Just put out a bowl of pickled herring and compost and he'll find his way home."

GroomMate

Son 2: "Get a job."
Son 1: "Can't. Too busy cultivating my neck beard."

Racetracked

Son 1: "I had to fill out a survey about bullying at school. When they asked for my ethnicity, I put down 'honky'."

FarmVile

Son 2: "Why don't we raise cats and eat them?"
Son 1: "That's delicious."
Son 2: "That's monstrous."
Son 1: "It can be both."