Stone Age

Me: "Go read a book."
Son 1: "What?"
Son 2: "I think Mom mispronounced 'tablet'."

Happy Mother's Day.

Me: "I need to call Grandma."
Son 2: "Oh yeah. You have a mother too. I thought you asexually divided from the host-plant."
Me: "No. That's how you were created."

Malignant Humour

Me: "Oh kids today with your rap music and your video games and your being on my lawn..."
Son 2: "Mom just stop. You're giving me cancer."

Contemptorary Music Pt. 2

Son 1: "What's a 'Yanni'?"

Contemptorary Music Pt. 1

Son 1: "I don't know about that T-shirt. It seems to trendy."
Me: "True. It doesn't fit in with the rest of your peer-avoidant style. Disinterest in learning to drive, aversion to AXE body spray, Yanni on your boom box..."

Father Figure

Son 2: "I like to tell Dad Jokes* because it's a teenage chick-magnet. It shows them I'll be a good dad."

* "Are you cold? Then stand in the corner because it's 90 degrees!"