I Was Made for Starvin' You

Radio: "Trump says if he becomes president, he would turn the Syrian refugees back. He says some refugees could be members of ISIS"
Me: "AARGHHH!"
Son 2: "Technically, that's true. They could also be members of KISS"

Natural Insurrection

Son 2: "I hate school."

Grandpa: "Everyone hates school."

Son 2 & Me: "No they don't!"

Grandpa: "Just trying to be agreeable."

Son 2: "Stop. It's unnatural."

Projectile Cetacean

Me: "What's that toy you throw around sometimes?"
Son 2: "The orca... you know... the penguin-whale."
Me: "Penguin-whale?"
Son 1: "It's like a penguin, in that a whale also doesn't fly."

Rhetorical Planning

Me: "I might get to that show tonight. I don't know. I'll get there if I get there."
Son 2: "Well tautologied."

Punch. Line.

Son 2: "What aren't you laughing?"
Me: "Because your joke was so funny I'm paralyzed."
Son 2: "Are you mocking me?"
Me: "Would I mock you?"
Son 2: "Have you met you?"

Kris Dingle

Dad: "You know there's no Santa Claus, right?"
Son 2: "Well, damn. Who have I been sending my nudes to all these years then?"

Terminal Inaction

Son 2: "Make him stop!"
Me: "Ignore him and he'll go away."
Son 2: "Mom, he's not cancer."