Thrill of the Hunt

Son 2: "Grandpa is like a cat, but instead of bringing home dead birds he brings home discounted sausage. And he puts the dead birds in the compost."

Avenging Angles

Son 2: "I wish I looked like a superhero."
Me: "Don't. Their bodies are physically impossible."
Son 1: "Exactly. They have non-euclidean abs, breasts that contain themselves and when you talk to a superhero their topography inverts. And THEN they start occupying the same space as each other."

Dong Show

Me: So I got the extended warranty package..."

Son 2: "Heh heh. Package."

Me: "Really?"

Son 1: "You know he'll laugh at any old junk you say."

Maternal State

Son 1: "Mom's a fascist."
Son 2: "Yeah, but she's OUR fascist."

Martial Mall

Dad: "Want me to show you the steps in today's Kung Fu pattern?"
Son 2: "No. I'm going to learn it the way God intended: from an Asian man in a strip mall."

Legal Strike

Me: "I'm eating chips. Don't judge me."
Son 1: "I won't judge you if you don't judge me."
Me: "It's my job to judge you."
Son 1: "Yeah, but I won't judge you for not doing you job."

Period Pieces

Me: "Maybe I should learn tatting for when I watch Downton Abbey."
Dad: "You could knit crumpet covers."
Son 2: "Or teacups."
Son 1: "Or monocles."